The U. S. of Arrrgh

So I've been in the US for less than 3 days, and lots of things about it are already really getting on my nerves. I can hardly believe that I lived here for 15 months... and I've never felt like such a foreigner in a place where I thought I was supposed to be able to speak the language.

Maybe that's the problem - Americans use the same words as us, but they mean different things. Take the word 'solicitor' for example. In New Zealand it means a lawyer. In the US it means someone who solicits, be they someone offering you a taxi ride at the airport or a homeless person on the street asking for a few coins. So, not a lawyer.

So here are a few of the frustrating things that happened to me in the last couple of days...

1) I went to a shop and was waiting in a line at the checkout to buy something. As soon as the person in front walked away, a family of four pushed in front of me, saying that I wasn't in the line because the line was over there. I looked and there was no line, no sign, nothing to say that's how it worked. Maybe I didn't see the invisible sign, 'foreigners not welcome here'.

2) I had to fill up the car before taking it back to the airport this morning, so I pulled into a petrol station (well 'gas station', except I was getting fuel in a liquid form not a gas, yeah ok I understand it's an abbreviation of gasoline but don't you think calling a liquid 'gas' is a bit strange?). Now I know from past experience that you have to go to the counter first and pre-pay some money, or hand over a credit card, before they'll activate the pump. But the guy asked 'is it a rental', to which I said yes, then he said I had to hand over the keys. I wasn't quite sure if that's what I'd heard, so I just stood there holding out my credit card. Then he insisted, 'the keys', so I gave them to him and he drawled something I didn't get, so I asked him, 'sorry, what did you say?' Then he replied r-e-a-l-l-y s-l-o-w-l-y l-i-k-e I w-a-s a-n i-d-i-o-t 'You have to push the button for which fuel you want.'

3a) Checking in at the self-help kiosk. First I couldn't find the 'confirmation code' on my ticket. I have a booking reference (which is for the travel agent), a ticket number, but nothing saying 'confirmation code'. So I asked one of the staff what I should do, so he looks over the ticket and says, 'Oh it's this one here - the PNR.' I have no idea what PNR stands for. Nor how I was supposed to know that PNR and confirmation code are the same thing.

3b) Then when I entered the PNR it came up with a message saying it couldn't process an inter-airline ticket. I presume that means Virgin America doesn't like Air New Zealand? Even though I have a PNR?

3c) So I head for the line saying 'Full service check-in' as that's what the screen told me to. And I have to stand there, waiting, while three airline staff members are tied up having their photos taken with a handbag-dog wearing a little red jumper for some sort of promotional thing. And I have to try not to get frustrated at other people in the line oohing and ahhing over how cute the dog is - which it wasn't. It was wearing a flipping jumper. Stop laughing, it's not funny.

3d) Finally I manage to make it to a counter to check in. 'So you have one bag to check today?' Yes. 'That'll be $25.' No, it's supposed to be included in the price. 'Oh, ok then.'

4a) Airport security. Another misunderstanding in pronunciation... I was waiting in the line to have my boarding pass and ID (passport) checked. There was one counter, and one person behind it checking. Then another person came along, stood next to her, and started calling, 'Max, Max.' He was looking in my direction, so I looked around thinking he was calling to a co-worker. But no, he was calling 'Next' and I was holding up the works by standing there looking like an idiot.

4b) Then we have to pick a line to have all our stuff X-rayed. I watched a girl aged probably about 11 or 12 struggle to pick up her suitcase (which would have been larger than the bag I checked in) to put it on the counter. I looked around and counted how many pieces of luggage people seemed to have on average. Bearing in mind that you're supposedly only allowed one, plus 'a personal item, like a small handbag or laptop bag', I'm sure the average was over two. But then if airlines are charging $25 to check a bag, it's not surprising really. I wonder if Americans travelling by air in other countries realise how much less stressful things are, because people don't have excessive amounts of carry-on luggage? (In my world, the rule would be, if you can't carry it on, then it's not carry-on.)

4c) Also there was a woman travelling with her son. She pulled a zip-lock bag out of her luggage and offered it to him: 'Do you want some ice? Take what you want then throw the rest away.' Ice? You packed ice??

4d) Today I had my first experience of the nudie scanner - oops, I mean the terahertz scanner. Thankfully it sounds like the TSA has done something about everyone's privacy concerns because they had a sign up saying that the image is analysed by a computer and projected onto a generic person figure for the officer to check. I was wearing my pants that have zips partway down the leg so they can be converted to shorts. And the female officer wanted to check the zips because they showed up on the scanner. Um...? Guess they don't get many German tourists through SFO.

5a) Finally I arrived at the gate, having bought an overpriced sandwich (but which was large enough for two meals, so I ate half on the plane and had the other half once I arrived at the lab accommodation in Chicago). There I encounter another sign, which I can read ok, but doesn't mean much to me: "Wanna PREBOARD?? Just let us gate check your bag... :D" (yes, complete with capitals and emoticon). I'm perturbed as to what 'gate check your bag' means. Check that my bag is not a gate? Check at the gate that I have a bag? Check that it's my bag? Check my bag in at the gate? In which case, what was the point in lugging it through the terminal, for those who did? And perhaps most importantly, do you still get charged the $25?

5b) The only positive thing about the airport: after boarding their first class passengers, families with children under 5, those requiring extra assistance, and super-duper frequent flyers, they made an announcement that anyone who didn't need to put a bag in the overhead bins could board before everyone else. Since I was sitting in 4A (i.e. a window) I figured I may as well get on at that point. I'm not sure if they did this because (i) it wouldn't apply to most people, (ii) putting bags overhead is what takes the most time, (iii) they're being nice to people who checked a bag earlier. But anyway I thought it was a good idea, and more US airlines should consider it.

5c) One last thing - and this is not so much that I didn't understand it as it was something that didn't make a lot of sense: as we were getting on the plane they had a bin with headphones available to purchase for (says the sign) "$2 bucks". Now I get that Virgin is trying to be edgy, so I know what they mean by "two bucks", but then surely you don't need the dollar sign? Because isn't that then "two dollars bucks"?

One final thing in general that has disappointed me - actually two, the food has been noticeably bad. I opened a pottle of yogurt the other day which was shiny. Yogurt's not supposed to be shiny. And then I read the label a bit closer, and it seemed proud of the fact it had aspartame instead of sugar. Not that aspartame would have made it shiny - but it was obviously so over-processed that it couldn't have been good. So I threw it out.

Anyway, the final thing: is how wasteful American society is. The packaging on everything. And while Californians think they're so green by recycling and using 'compostable materials' (which I think is what we call 'biodegradeable'?), the simple fact remains that they wouldn't need to recycle all their plastic and cardboard if things weren't packaged in so much plastic and cardboard. At the rental car place at SFO, after you park the car, you take a lift or 4 escalators down to ground level, then take another lift or escalator up to the AirTrain. Instead of going up and over one level. I guess the woman with the boy and the ice fits the bill here. And the smog as we climbed away from San Fran. Too many people, who all have too much money and too much stuff. I'm so glad I moved back to New Zealand. I'm not saying it's perfect, but there are a lot of things it seems to do much more efficiently than the US does.